Hi secretum

It could b a habit but its definitely an indicator that something is wrong. When u have the thought let it trip right on through ur head and keep on going. Try not to focus on the sui thought and don't nourish it. My pdoc told me it could b how the mania is manifesting itself. Ur r not a coward for not committing suicide. Quite the opposite. I think u r a strong person for not believing the thoughts!! Best of luck!!