I do it too S, has to be part of the bp, hypersensitivity, catastrophic thinking. Can you challenge the thoughts and consider you just want things to be different? You don't have to find all the solutions at once, but try to break it down as to what you want to be different in your life? You want friends who show they care, you want more energy to get things done so you don't have to feel lazy and mad at yourself about it.