I don't know. It hurts so much to even think about going through this all over again.

I remember when my T abandoned me, and how hard it was to find another therapist. But I did. It was hard, but not too hard. But I totally understand it feeling overwhelming to think about going through it again.

I do often think I would be able to face hard things if I had a warmer, more supportive T. Idk though. I am so thoroughly confused and second guessing myself. I don't know what my true motives are. I just don't know.

[COLOR="rgb(65, 105, 225)"]And it's your therapist's job to help you figure out confusing things - not to tell you how you should make sense of your world.
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Today, it was pretty much an accusation. She basically said, out of the blue, that I wasn't doing work today. That I wasn't being vulnerable. I wasn't giving her the opportunity to be supportive. She said I was just talking and talking about how hard therapy was and trying to find ways to make it easier.

My jaw literally dropped.

That was my reaction as I read it. EVEN IF it was true (and I'm not saying it was) the way to get someone to work harder, and be vulnerable, isn't to chastise them. It's to make it safe. It's might be okay to ask "Hmm, I wonder if you are having a hard time getting to the issues. Is there something you are afraid of? I can't imagine it being effective to say You're having a hard time and you ought to get to the issues. I'm safe!!!

I will concede the fact that I wasn't going terribly deep or vulnerable, but the things I was asking/talking about were important to me. I need to understand how to relate to T so that I can understand myself more and how to relate to people in general.

[COLOR="rgb(65, 105, 225)"]And she needs to figure out how to make it safe to do so and help you figure out if any barriers exist. NOt yell at you, assuming you have barriers.[/COLOR]