Sorry you had such a bad experience.

When my ruptures started with my T, she yelled that I wasn't trying (many times).

She asked me what I wanted to do to reward myself and I struggled to be honest and tell her I didn't feel like I should be rewarded, and that was it. Yelling. Lecturing. Comments included comparing me to my mother, and T's other clients (who do better than I do). Telling me she expected better of me after four years. She told me she does all the work and I don't do enough. She told me she takes too much control of the sessions. When I told her she was making me feel like a number, she told me "it's just the reality". All sorts of highly damaging and unhelpful stuff. T thinks that working with me and my resistance for four year pushed her to say certain things. She also now claims she was trying to provoke me into action.

Yeah, sometimes T's get things really, really wrong. My T has helped me so much in four years...but if there wasn't that background, I absolutely wouldn't have stuck through all this horrible stuff. Particularly after some of the highlights like the "if we were in a lifeboat together and the wave hit, I wouldn't be thinking of you" statement.