The ruptures started in early November last year I think...and there is so so much more bad stuff that has been said. It's not all fixed...bad stuff keeps happening...but there's a small bit of hope. She's genuinely the first person I've EVER felt attached to...so whatever happens...I need it not to end on this bad note!

It's taken a huge amount of persistence from me to get T to start hearing me again. Sometimes she hears a bit...some things she's still missing. I needed to stay long enough so that I could understand exactly what she meant and how much she meant of everything. Sometimes she's made me feel so insignificant. It's a mess...and it hurts to deal with it. It took my T a long time to see that she was actually begin very defensive.

I still don't think she really understands how deeply she's hurt me...or how deeply it hurts someone like me to lose someone like her so completely one day...even on a good note. And on a bad note? How horrific. I don't even know how to survive it.