I find this thread puzzling on a few levels.

I never felt manipulated, condescended to, treated as an experiment, nor objectified in my therapy. If anything, my T worked overtime to appear not to be in a power position. Even now, he never says, "I'm glad I could help you"; he always says, "I'm glad I could be helpful to you." It's a subtle but important distinction.

So for me, an apology is an apology: if it was owed, it was freely given, whether by me or my T. And if it was offered, it was accepted, whether by me or my T. It wasn't an expression of a power play, nor a game strategy.

Apologies can be just a fulcrum for scorekeeping, which threatens the work.

I think, for this thread, this is a key concept. As long as a client insists upon viewing all interactions as part of a grand power play, a drama writ large, no apology--or any expressed emotion--will be acceptable or enough. No trust will be accorded, nor extended. I can't see how such a relationship can be therapeutic.

The exchange without reservation of offering and accepting an apology with humility and vulnerability is an opportunity to participate in a profoundly transformative experience. I think this is especially true for those of us who were never respected enough to be apologized to, nor experienced having our apologies accepted. I think it's why successfully repaired ruptures can strengthen a relationship. It's a way of respecting and honoring the relationship. But they are also a vehicle of learning, and if either party doesn't apply that learning to the relationship, then the opportunity is wasted, and the relationship isn't deepened. The emotions that follow are like make-up sex--a high, and temporarily rewarding, but not relationship enhancing in the long run.

I'm willing to concede that there are incompetent Ts who may never apologize, or offer insincere apologies; but then there are other reasons to not continue a relationship. It doesn't hinge on apologies alone.