Is there something that might help you to relax? A warm bath, a comforting meal, perhaps a nap? I don't want you to worry yourself to death my friend, you sound so stressed and I know, I am often there myself. Just this week I might have ended my life if I didn't know better. Your pain and suffering, it touches my soul and I just want to hug your spirit and help you to know, let go. We don't know how our ferocious fears and heavy ladenings will be resolved. Just keep breathing, one breath at a time Wired wrongly. You are not alone.