Really. So I've been tracking my moods for the last 4 months and I've been mostly and mildly depressed since December with a week shoved in there of being rather "mixed" and I though things were looking up. Well today I get less sleep wake up, sun is shining as it has been the last week or so, snows melting and think okay it's been long enough the worst has got to be over now.

Get all irritable over nothing. Fine. Go to work and do my thing all functional like and I'm asked "are you okay?" again well, **** dude, I thought I was faking it. I hate when people ask if I'm okay. If I want to talk, I talk believe me! The holding back my ranting and carrying on spewing negativity to the world is my choice and that look on my face like I'm going to vomit tears well that's the border between my personal hell and your sanity. Don't cross it! My depressed mind is still a clever mind and it's dangerous to another human's psyche.

And it's just downhill again. I hate the spring time. I get pulled between basking in the joy of the sunlight and wanting to just slit my wrists and be done with it. I wouldn't though, that's just drama talking in my brain. Drama that's releasing the angst I feel as I'm pulled between being painfully sad and optimistic.

Emotions they're like voices in my head racing to some finish line but, there isn't a finish line there is only oblivion.