I'm so sorry to hear this. I understand how very awful the pain is. When me and my former T ended I honestly thought I was going to die. I'd been struggling with her approach for some time and had almost decided to end things but then she had to leave for her own personal reasons (nothing to do with me or agency) so the decision was made for me, even though it was the right one.

I got through it by working through it. That was the only thing I could do. I cried when I needed to. It helped to talk to current T about it. Like you I couldn't keep in touch with former T either but in the long run that was probably a good thing for it would have prevented me from moving on properly. I have sent two Christmas cards since though and she has responded, but I needed the time after ending to work through my grief and let go.

I won't lie - it's agony. But it does get easier in its own time. Grief is different for everyone but the only real universal truth is that feeling the pain is necessary. It hurts but it won't destroy you - you will survive it. One day you'll look back at your relationship with t and feel all the wonderful things. You won't just feel the loss. I never thought I'd get over it but I have. I loved former T so much and had never felt such a connection with anyone. I probably never will. She cared so much about me too and even wrote me several pages of stuff so that I could remember that. It was months before I could even read it but now I look through it and feel grateful to have known her. It was two years ago now and I don't feel grief anymore, just the occasional sadness when times are hard.

Hang in there. Hugs.