I have said, to a younger version of myself who sometimes shows up to sessions, "he's not your Dad!" I have felt that my ability to allow myself to relate to T at times from a more child like perspective, to absorb the caring that comes with it, to feel that he wants the best for me and will do what he can to help me, to feel secure in the intimacy without any creepiness, to trust, it has been healing for me. I think that to allow myself to feel his paternal feelings and not reject them in disgust or anger or whatever has been helpful to me in accepting other caring or support from people.

I know that I have had maternal feelings towards some of the young adults I have worked with over the years, it's sort of a natural extension of mentoring them. So I don't think there's anything weird or wrong about offering someone a form of parental caring even if you're not their parent, or feeling like you want that kind of caring from people who are not yours. Maybe it's not exactly what Hilary Clinton meant when she said, "it takes a village . . . ", but it's certainly an extension of the idea that we can have all kinds of parent figures in our lives and we're probably the better for it.