Bambo Red panda, I see that you have been posting and have been a member since APR 2012. I'm new to this site and I am encouraged by you being able to write about what 's going on for you. It seem's intense what you are feeling and I only wish that I could express myself as well as you have. The more you question this dilema and try to figure out the solution I think it will all come together and make sense. I read alot of sincere posts on these forums and people truly care. warm thoughts.