I was late to my session because I fell asleep while trying to study, that's how exhausted I am. My shrink greeted me with a long bear hug and when I told him I had fallen asleep, he said it was a good sign, that maybe my body's stress responses were starting to calm down enough so that I could rest. He joked that even soldiers in the battlefield need to take a nap. And then continued the metaphor, by saying the battle isn't over yet, so I shouldn't give up or think it is going to come out badly.

I told him that it was all feeling absurd now that such a big drama was being made of this when if the student had just realized I was on medication and accepted my apology, then none of this would be happening at all.

You are right to suggest that she is the one who looks unstable if she is unable to let this go after 3 apologies and changes in my behavior to show that I'm not even making eye contact, let alone interacting. What more could reasonably be asked of me? And I did all of this without even her asking me to. Her first reaction to the inappropriate email was rather mild. She just said she felt conflicted, that she liked talking to me and appreciated that I was open about sexuality and there were places to have such discussions, but she didn't want anymore of that kind of talk.

I'm the one who reacted with more repulsiveness to the email and took strong measures to make changes, which I wrote her two days later when I finally saw the email I had sent. And I followed through with them, with one exception, when I found out that she had tried to get me in trouble at the clinical site, I wrote to her while upset to find out why she had done that and did she realize the consequences of her actions. In that note I took time out to tell her I was not sexually attracted to her, which is something she just made up; it wasn't in the problematic email. And further explained some of the effects of trauma since she seemed not to understand. The University now has this email as well, but I don't know whether or not they think much of it since it really hasn't been discussed in the meetings. But the day after, when I found out I was dismissed, I saw her at school and asked to speak with her to let her know since she and I were partners in leading groups. I apologized about adding stress to her life unintentionally, let her off the hook, not because I really meant it, but because she had this gross grin when I told her I was dismissed so I realized she was happy that it had this effect so I realized that she was not to be trusted and I wanted no more interactions with her at all so I wanted to close it all off so there was nothing left. She actually said she was sorry I was hurting and said maybe a medical rather than punitive result would occur. That's where we left it. So her attack on me some 3 or 4 weeks later was completely unexpected because we had no more contact and there was nothing there to explain why she had so radically changed from seeming friendly to hostility and a grudge that she was pursuing using the University.

I now have to simply wait for all the various people involved to let me know what the decisions are, which could take weeks, and I won't really know all of what went on, just the final determination.

I actually think in the case of my dismissal from the clinical site, that committee will probably not take strong action, though it is up to the Program Director, who knows more about the student's view than mine. And since she didn't take sufficient action when I reported the verbal attack later on, I had to insist that the University do more. So she may not be on my side at all. She has sole power to accept or reject what the committee recommends.

Since there is also at the same the outside investigator, she may wait to get that report as well. That report goes to the University's legal counsel so I won't know anything about it at all. While I believe that the investigator did understand me pretty well, I don't know what others have said to her to undermine or change the story. She didn't seem to think that the two letters from my doctor were crucial evidence since she read them quickly and let them drop to the floor. I did say that this was a school of psychologists who didn't have expertise in medications so my doctor was not just any old opinion but an expert. She did take lots of notes about positive things I said, like my ability to be professional at school and separate out my emotions because I used to be a professor at Berkeley so learned how to do that there.

I just have to be patient now and try to get this off my mind. There's nothing I can do about it now anyway. And I have so much work to do that I really need to move on. It's hard though. So much has happened and it all feels wrong, some of it traumatic, so I'm not exactly in great shape, but I am trying and I guess that's all I can do for now.