Bambo red panda I've been there and back to. The things that changed me were the T's and doctors who put me on meds. You don't sound as bad as you think you are, if you can see it in yourself and explain it so well like you have, you're taking the first step in getting better soon.Maybe you don't want meds? When you feel like a b****, stand back from the situation and take a breath and ask yourself if it is better to let loose on somebody when you know in the end you'll feel bad about yourself instead. Then you can maybe change what you were going to say into something the opposite, like something nice or nothing at all. You basically need to control you emotions?