Yes I also experienced the grief in waves and the sensation of needing to catch my breath. I know what the desperate ache is like and missing T so much it's impossible to put into words. I remember when current T asked what I missed about former T and I said 'Just the connection...I don't know what else to say' and she replied 'There's really nothing else to say.' For months and months I'd have given up my entire life to be back with former T and not have to move on. I missed her more than I did my ex husband when we split up simply because I had never experienced such a connection with anyone else.

I wonder if your T has walked away easily? I know mine didn't. One consolation for me was that she was grieving too and she told me so. If you had a good relationship the chances are she will miss you badly too. It's not all one way - we have an affect on our ts.

I really feel for you as it was the worst time of my life (well nearly) when I ended with t. But skipping to two years later, I can look back and feel pretty damm proud that I survived a 'good' ending, one that was healthy and I faced head on rather than pretended I didn't care. It hurts like hell now but you will come through it, I feel sure. Feel the emotions, even if you can't console yourself let the tears come and know you won't cry forever because grief knows what it is doing. I know this might sound a bit silly but our emotions are intelligent and if felt fully they run their course. That is why grief comes in waves - it's our body's way of managing the emotions in the best way possible. Otherwise we'd be in a far worse state.

As Anne said, losses do accumulate so you may find yourself grieving other losses too. I found the same. It does ease in time. Hold onto the bigger picture and know this wonderful relationship will be in your heart always. It won't always hurt as much as this. In grieving we open our hearts and the agony is the difficulty in the meantime.

Thinking of you.