Im 19 years old, 6 months ago i left my country and left to college, very very far which meant i left a huge part of my life behind... This meant that i wouldnt be going back to my country in a year... A whole yeAr by myself, new language new culture new religion. I felt sad but at the same time excited i was looking forward to this experience. Now i realize i had life going in my favor, had just broken up with my ex boyfriend entered the gym , living in a new place, a whole apartment bymyself. One day went out with some friends to a club, i felt great. It was the birthday of my closest friend here, we all got really drunk, i lost my cellphone but somehow i was still conscious. Later on couldnt find my friend so i went outside, esrlier inside i hd met a guy who invited me to some drinks. I was sitting outside wait that maybe i could see a one of my friends had no cellphone not even my purse that was inside a locker at the club which my friend had the keys. Hours passed and i dont really know what happened i just remember short parts remember to talk to the guy i met inside and beijg in a cab, i remember me crying and had horrible abdominal pain and neck pain. Woke up next day at my apartment without underwear with a ripped shirt had a stratch in my face and a bruise in my neck, i was a virgin so i didnt know why had such a severe abdominal pain, but i actually knew what had happened to me i burst out in tears started checking myself and found my underwear bloody. I managed a month without telling anyone and finally managed to tell my sister. My mom came here and made all the exans, but didnt want to talk to her because someone i feel guilty that ll happened and ashamed, its a mixture of feelings... I swore to my mom i was okay and actually managed to pull it through... But now 6 month later i can say ive never felt more lonely, ive closed the door to all my friends here, i sleep way too much, and burst into tears randomly, cant even concentrate in class, i dont know what to do i ve been trying a lot of things to try and feel something again thats not sadness and cant manage to obtain any happy feeling, i even got into a relationship and ended up having sexual relationships which just made me wake up at the middle of the night and cry, i want my life back in order just dont know where to start im shutting everyone outside my life, friends, family, god(i used to be a really faithfull person)