I think you all are right. I think I do need to know what is true and not true, but I am not at all sure I am prepared emotionally right now to take in what I might find.

Mostly I think I am afraid to know why the family just stopped having anything to do with us. My cousins were always around to play with and then they were never around again. In the back of my mind I have an idea of why but I am not sure I want to know if I am right.

But then one thing that I learned growing up was to avoid. pretend things away... and I don't want to do that anymore so I am torn here.I feel a little bit like I am walking out onto the high dive at the swimming pool after having just taken a bad dive.. I want to be brave enough yet I am scared too.

Thanks for your input ya'll.. I am going to think on it more.