Get a new psychiatrist right away. Contact your insurance company and explain
what has happened. Your chemistry is out of balance, without question, in my view.

Your husband is not over it, either. He is doing the best he can by getting out and
trying to go on with activities he once knew with you and your son. You need to
do the same thing.

Get into a project that is positive. You are overweight. Okay, get Dr. Williams' book Wheat Belly and start there. Change your diet; do something that works out some
of the extreme anger you have related to your son's death. Stop taking it out on
yourself, please.

If you believe that your son is in Heaven with God, then you must also believe that
God has a reason for you to live. It may be a while before that is revealed to you,
but I can think of several reasons for your life to continue:

1. Your husband has begged you not to commit suicide. He needs you.

2. Your life has so much to offer those who are struggling with drug addiction;
get into a group who are active in drug addiction and work with some of those who
are addicted to hard core drugs.

3. Get into a group therapy session if you can.

4. Or try doing some social service help work like caring for children who have been
removed by the courts from their homes and are in need of parenting until other
adoption opportunities are available. You may decide to adopt one before you've had the child for long.

5. Get over the idea that you are somehow responsible for your son's death. You
just are not; nobody has that much control over the life of another. Frankly, you
shouldn't even have control over your own life. You should let God guide you now
until He feels that you are able to stand on your own two feet as your son would
definitely want you to do.

6. Dubble Monkey has told you the truth; his death was an accident, Speed. You
must accept that and know that you have a mother's need to care for children.
You should be doing something to actively help a little child who needs your love
and care, but you've got to love yourself in order to love others.

7. You do love yourself; I know that and so do the others here. You are in the
throes of grief and you need to realize that it won't always be this poignant and
will ease in time so that you can be productive and helpful again.

We've told you again and again that it's one day at a time: one hour at a time if
necessary. Discard anything you have about attempted suicide. Just get it out
of your head and out of your sense of reality, please.

Keep in touch and take care of yourself well, Speed. Watch that diet, read that
book. Take that shower, and give your husband the kiss he wants and needs from
his wife. That will do for one day. Then, we talk about the day after. Okay?

Take care, Speed. I sound mean, but we all need to talk you into understanding
that what you're experiencing is grief; you don't need to even think about death.
We do care; you may believe that.