A lot of the time, people are the worst judges of their own feelings . . . or potential feelings.

Many years ago, I was in an "open" relationship. I had agreed to it. The guy said he could not be faithful and I figured we would just enjoy our time together with no strings. That went on for a few years. I found out that I was way more jealous than I expected to be when I would become aware of him being with someone else. So - after some years - I ended it.

To his own shock (and mine, too) he missed me way more than he expected to. He then spent several years trying to contact me and get me back into a relationship . . . even saying we could get married. Shortly, after leaving him, though, I found someone else with whom I am still with.

So, my point is that, although she tells you she will be okay with you being with other women, I doubt that is really true. The only way she would really be okay with it would be if she didn't really care that much about you. That is true for women who love sex and just as true for women who don't. Either type of woman will feel betrayed if you go elsewhere, unless the woman is not really in love with you. If she's not, you might as well end it altogether.

It is perfectly normal for men and women to feel yearning for sexual relations with others outside the relationship. The mistake is to imagine that it is possible to have your cake and eat it, too. Once you both know that you have been intimate with someone else, it is highly likely that what you have together right now will be unalterable changed . . . for the poorer. Is what you do have now worth risking?

Also, there is no such thing as totally safe sex. In the throes of excitement anything can, and eventually does happen. If she is actually imagining that you can guarantee that you will never come home with something that could potentially give her cervical cancer, then you both need to have a talk with a doctor.

People with different sexual appetites do make lasting relationships, though I think it is a source of strain. That might not be what's really going on - or not going on - in your marriage. I think a relationship is about as strong as the warmth and affection that the two people feel for each other. When that dwindles, there is really nothing left. When it's there, it tends to be more important than anything else - IMHO. Good luck. Maybe take a vacation and go somewhere special together and see if what brought you two together is still there, or not.