I relate to quite a few things in your letter and I think you got your point across clearly.

My ruptures started off with my T seeming to misinterpret me and then she got really angry. I don't know if it's possible to work though it, because we really haven't yet. I think I've spent months working so hard and trying to get her to come back to me, as the person who once helped so much, as the supportive and understanding person that I genuinely cared about.

Ever since she started getting frustrated with me, it's like it's so present. She's patient, then suddenly frustrated again. It's been the worst series of up and downs. I've had to go through so many awful sessions in an effort to try to repair the damage. She has been willing to work with me on it, though at times she's told me my grief over how much she doesn't care is pointless because I don't take into account how much she does care (actually I do). Or she's told me the relationship is clearly too toxic and I should see someone else or at least stop seeing her.

Whatever happens...I hope it goes far more smoothly for you. It's such a hard thing to work through and it REALLY doesn't help if the T isn't really understanding or hearing what is going wrong or not working, or if they're misinterpreting what we do, or bringing up irrelevant things like comparisons to other clients. Geez T's really, our lives are hard enough!

I too have just written a long letter to my T (but am not brave enough to post it here). I don't think T will want to read it as I'm going over things that happened that I've already talked about. She wants me to be able to let go of it all, but since more bad stuff has continued to happen, that's just not possible. I want her to be able to step back and read about my experience, rather than argue for me to understand hers.