It seems that you are having depression with psychotic features. I get that sometimes... however, i don't hallucinate. I get delusions that I will go mad and crazy or paranoid. I started to feel out of control. But... you need to remember that it is temporary and will pass. Believe me... it won't rain all the time and everyone feels pain in their heart. You are not alone.

It is obvious that you are desperate for help. Right now you may be feeling that you are repressed and are under duress because your parents are practically imprisoning you. The worst thing is... you don't have anyone to talk to. But you can always find chat rooms where you can get involved in socializing.

Perhaps you can try outletting or re-focusing yourself onto something more creative, ie. hobby or studying or exercising. I know that it is hard and perhaps impossible to do but force yourself.

When you become suicidal... start thinking of the positive you've done or seen in the past 6 months. List all of your accomplishments, successes and goals. Find a role model (even if s/he imaginary or dead person) - and think of all the good things that you can be. List of all the things you loved and missed. If you miss it enough... you'll do anything to get it again.

You can try an evaluate why are you suicidal and yet seeking help? other than the external factors (parents). Internally - are you seeking for attention from them? Or are you feeling apprehension from getting separated from your psychiatrist?

Someone said to me that facing the fear of death is the easy part. Facing the fear of life is what's hard. Don't quit. Don't ever quit!