oh (((((((Asiablue))))))))!

I can SO relate.

When I lost my therapist, it did feel like a death...but worse, in some ways, because I know he's out there somewhere helping other people, just not ME. I can really get myself into a painful spiral when I think about it too much.

I started with a new therapist this past week, and just being able to go in there and tell the story and be heard and understood helped. More than I thought it would.

I don't know when I will trust this therapist - and i don't expect that I will ever feel the same connection that I did with my first T - but I still feel like he can help me.

Leaning on friends has helped too... just being honest about how I feel, and letting them support me.

I've had to take it easier in my day-to-day life. Grief is exhausting. So I am giving myself a break, and if everything I usually get done doesn't get done, it's okay. I am trying to be gentle with myself.

My situation is little different because I was able to talk to T a few times after termination (on the phone) to work through it, and so I knew he was grieving too...knowing that it was a loss for both of us helped. I bet your therapist is feeling this loss as well. It is a relationship, and of course you will both be affected.

My T had told me once about a big, unexpected abandonment in his life, and I asked him about it after my termination. He said "oh yeah, worst pain I ever felt". I asked how long it took for him to feel better, and he said it was honestly about a year, but that it was never as painful as it was at the beginning.

I think I will always have sad spot where T used to be, but I am starting to be able to hold onto the good stuff too. If there hadn't been good stuff, it wouldn't hurt so much, you know?

I am thinking of you and hoping for some moments of peace