And, I must say, the words you used are quite extreme even for this forum that is full of descriptions of abuse. Ordered, allowed, insisted, ...

I had an abusive husband who did that - ordered etc. - and I did not see it at that time, but I CAN see it while being an observer from the outside. Sometimes we cannot see what is being done to us but we have enough reason to see it when done to other people. So I hope that you see what he is doing to you.