i stress out a lot about my future. mostly about society and how they treat me and will treat me in the future. its obvious my mental health would not be treated kindly. but not even thinking about that - just me being who i am wont be treated kindly.
im very sad because 98-99% of my life has been unfair in regards to how people treat me. literally bullied in some form everyday of my life since kindergarten to 12th grade. come home everyday rarely saw my father cause he worked around 12+ hour shifts (yep) - and then was verbally/mentally/emotionally and a few times physically bullied by my mother. yep rarely saw my dad cause he was at work and i was at school - by the time i went to bed he still wasnt home until 2-3am. plus 5 more years in college bullied less but it didnt even stop there. people have made fun of me on the street.
rarely anyone paid attention to me or talked to me. and my dad was mostly not home.
my dad told me the other day that when i was an infant and toddler my mom would rarely do anything for me. she would not hold me or spend time with me in any way. he said maybe when he was not home but never when he WAS home. he said i would cry for long periods and shed do nothing. he said shed give me beer to put me to sleep at that age too not just when i was 9 and up. nothing has ever changed. she rarely does anything now too.
now the damage is done. and keeps on because my mothers bullying doesnt stop. she bullies me about more adult things now. currently taking away my insurance in next few months. has threatened to put me in state hospital for life. has threatened to not pay any sort of any bills and throw debts on me. plus lots other stuff.
i am scared for my future in many ways. financially. job-wise or anything having to do with passing time. socially. socially last. but just everything.
thanks for listening.