gismo you can start over your day at any time. based on what you wrote reminds me of exactky where i was quite some time ago. i had lost all hope. i felt i was doomed to live my life shackled to the ball and chain called alcohol. i wanted to stop drinking yet all i wanted/was compelled to do was drink. i couldn't live drunk yet i couldn't live without the drink. it's a horrible place to be.
BUT there is a solution. it offers hope. abstinence is the key. no acohol at all. if we drink-even a few-it sets off the compulsion to drink more and more amd more, etc. i've been sober for 24 years but i know if i drank now even just a little i would go right back to that living hell and probably die a drunk. i never want to drink again but i've learned protect my sobriety at all costs cuz the disease of alcoholism just waits for that opportunity to lure me back. my life is rich today. i can have choices today but i would lose all that i've experienced sober if i drank even one.
i just awakened and on the first java but i had to reply right away .hope awaits you. you have the willingness to stop but need to have others to guide you. after detoxing at a hospital i joined AA. for me they had the answers so i could regain my life sober. they offered me hope, joy, and my sanity returned.
sorry i'm fuzzy but please keep posting here. you will hsve our support too. not everyone chooses AA but for me it saved my life.
i feel your pain. please know if you stop drinking altogether your life, as you iive it, will be full of all this world offers. i can promise you that. if it happened to me, and i was a hopeless drunk, then it can happen to you.