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Old Mar 03, 2013, 02:27 PM
Syra Syra is offline
Magnate
 
Member Since: Dec 2012
Location: California
Posts: 2,248
Quote:
Originally Posted by feralkittymom View Post
Feeling over exposed and wanting to end the relationship to avoid that feeling sounds shame-based to me, and it's pretty common.

But the "prove your trust" approach bothers me. She may be "right" in the sense that withholding this may have impeded your progress; but that kind of pressure to meet her need to feel trusted is not appropriate.

My T asked me an open, but direct question in response to a comment I made. I became overwhelmed with anxiety, telling him I couldn't tell him. His response was to ask if I could just agree instead to say I couldn't tell him yet. To leave the door open. And then was as gentle and patient as possible in supporting me to tell. He never pressured me to tell anything, and certainly never tried to make my telling a condition of anything--continuing therapy, trusting him, proving I was working, pleasing him, etc.

You've invested a long time in this relationship. Have you experienced trust in her with other issues? Do you have other misgivings? I think it's very difficult, but you'll need to put this interaction in the context of your history with her to know if your urge to terminate is coming from shame or a limitation in the relationship.

I agree with almost everything, and think it was said beautifully. The only place I stumble is using the past to determine where the urge is coming from. Perhaps I have misunderstood what you said because of my own history and triggers - and I think the past is something useful to consider. I stumble because I did trust my therapist, A LOT, and because of past experience I stayed. Until I found out that something had changed and she left me when I wouldn't follow her advice/suggestions/concerns. It was VERY painful. I wish I paid attention to the red flags earlier. I think paying attention to the past is good, and also looking at whether what is happening now is consistent with what led you to trust the therapist in the first place, or if things have changed.

Last edited by Syra; Mar 03, 2013 at 04:30 PM.