Oh and regarding the nieces and nephews? I said screw them, except for my sister's daughter, LONG ago. They don't give a crap about us, so I'm sure not going to pretend anything big is there. Happily, one of DH's two nieces has grown up and learned how to be a person, so interacting with her on the rare occasions of connection in always nice, and we text and Facebook a bit. The other one is completely bonkers and I am grateful to be far away. My nephews are not part of our lives at all. Oh well. They for darned sure are not going to get any $$ of any kind from us--and let me be quick to emphasize that none of them expect it. It's not like any of them ever have their hands out toward us. And that's fine. They are adults living their own lives and doing okay at it except for the one niece.