Quote:
Originally Posted by Big Mama
I listen to him first because we are working on being heard and neither of us shutting down. He throws his tantrum, spews his verbal crap and I hang my head and walk away. No use fighting w/ him. I just get tired of walking away and letting him throw his fit. It always ends the same way. Argueing w/ him, or trying to solve the issue, just ends in more hurt for me.
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I dissociate very badly. And alot of the time what he has to say is not heard. He shuts down to, but he is getting better at keeping me present and I hate it. Dissociating is where I go. I have been mentally and emotionally abused by him and it is difficult to remain present.
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Why the heck is he having a tantrum? Can't he speak to you without yelling? Yelling - no wonder you dissociate. When I yell at my husband, he shuts down too. It's hard to think with someone yelling at you. I said "when I yell." I did it once in the last 3 months for about 30sec to a minute before I realized I was being a loudmouth jerk. It's not okay. Why is it expected that you should put up with that? Wouldn't you rather listen to just his words, whatever they are, and emotions, rather than a tantrum?
For me, I found Marshall Rosenberg's nonviolent communication writings and videos helpful for understanding my feelings and better way of being. Perhaps it or somthing else like it would help your husband. What your H does sounds not okay even though it's better than his worst.