This is more of me ranting/venting rather than a question. So I first must apologize. Not sure if this might be triggering to someone or not, but I marked it as such just in case.

Starting yesterday that voice in the back of my head that tells me what a huge embarrassing failure I am came back. I've tried positive thinking. I've tried ignoring it. I should know better, really. Ignoring it doesn't work as well as it used to. It's an insistent little bugger. It likes to tell me that I'm a failure. That I've done nothing good. That everything I touch turns completely to crap. That I'm a terrible mother and my daughter deserves far better. (excuse me while I cry)

The horrible part is, is that I KNOW it's not real. I KNOW what it is. The part of my brain that can still reason and rationalize KNOWS that that voice is a damn dirty liar. But I can't help but to hear it. And part of me can't help but to believe it. What have I done wrong? ... What HAVEN'T I done wrong...

As I look around the room I'm sitting in I see nothing but reminders of what a bad person I am. I see the wallet that holds the 17 credit cards I once overused while I was unemployed and had no business holding ANY credit cards, let alone 17. I see the filth, the absolutely wretched grime that covers everything, visible proof that I am a lousy housekeeper. Ah yes, the several Sephora bags... my latest obsession. My car payment doesn't get paid but damn it I can go get more makeup! (heavy sarcasm) The quilt on the bed that's ripping and torn because I once thought I could sew.

Why can I see nothing but the negative right now? I'm trying... I really really am... why can't I see it?