As a woman, I'm offended by the "what we say isn't what we mean" excuse. It's tired. We - as a generalization - get offended by not having our words taken seriously, and then go out and don't say what we really mean and wonder why fights start. It's BS.

In regards to the original post, Adam, this is your life. Ultimately, I think that you know your self best, and you know your wife better than anyone here on these boards. We can all give you the best advice that we know how to give, but that still might not be the answer you seek. I have answers of my own that I'm seeking in regards to this type of situation. They don't come easy.

I think that people forget that everyone changes. When we grow and evolve over time, our needs change. The people who may have at one point been able to provide for our needs, may no longer be able to do so - and the reverse is also true. It might be a hard pill to swallow, but unless we are willing to adapt with our partners, then somewhere along the line, either we or they may become obsolete to the other. I've quickly come to realize that as I've grown and evolved over time, my needs have become different - not drastically so, but there have been changes. Through conversation with my partner, he has told me that he won't be capable of meeting some of them. It's now really only up to me to decide if I'm able to live with that. And if not, to decide what my next step is to get what I'm looking for.

Is that selfish? Perhaps. But do I not deserve to be happy as well? Telling a person to suck it up and not be selfish is akin to saying "just deal with your depression". We all have a right to happiness - but we also have a responsibility to make our paths to happiness as pain free to others as we can.