I am definitely lesbian, but sleeping with men was not a big deal one way or the other. I have friends who are men, but the emotional, lust, connection, etc thing only happens with other women for me. I am not especially keen on being just randomly touched by anyone, male or female. In some ways, casual touch from men is easier because it is not as potentially charged. My mother was not unaffectionate with my brother and by the time I remember, I was just not a cuddly child except with my grandmother. So I guess I might could have had mother physical cuddling, but I did not like it. My dad was not a super touchy guy, but he hugged us and carried us and wrestled around on the floor with us. I really think it was just me and not my family on the touch hug thing not being my big cup of tea.
I do think enjoying sex with women more than with men is one of the signs of being a lesbian.
Good luck with it Chopin -I am sorry it is such an area of struggle for you.