Oh I hate computers! I just wrote a long response and lost it, so let me see if I can try again...I have struggled for many years with this same fear, that if I let people in they will hurt me. I've been seeing the same awesome T for 5 years, and much of my therapy is spent on relationships and connection and trust. When I started seeing her, I wouldn't let anyone close to me. I had 30 years of proof that I'd get hurt. But here's what I've learned...trust is built a little at a time. I risk a little and share a tiny bit of something with her, and she responds with compassion, validation, and understanding. That allows me to open up a little more the next time. It is really easy for me to focus on other people's horror stories, or experiences from my past, and freak myself out to the point that I run away from her. In fact, I'd say that's where my brain normally goes. It takes a lot of work and conscious effort for me to change those thoughts and focus on my experience with her. When I first told her about my fear that she'd hurt me if I opened up to her, her response unnerved me. She said she would hurt me. It's a given in relationships...I will get hurt. I wanted to high tail it out of there! But, after years of fighting with this fear, I realized by keeping people out, I am hurting myself far more than anyone else can. I am lonely. I am sad and depressed. I think by keeping everyone out, I am safe and in control and I won't get hurt. But, when I keep everyone at arms length, I can't tell a healthy person from an unhealthy person. I have to keep my emotions numb because it's painful to be all alone, so I miss those cues that my feelings give me about who I can trust and who I can't. When I keep everyone out, I am not living...I am in survival mode. But, when I let people in to see "me", I feel connected. I feel heard. I feel less alone. I feel hope. I feel lighter. And, I feel that old fear come up. But here's what I remind myself: I will get hurt. My therapist will hurt me. My friends will hurt me, because when you open youself up to joy and happiness and love, you also open yourself up to pain. Has my T hurt me? Absolutely. But it's different than people who have hurt me in the past. We talk about it, work through it, and it deepens the connection. By letting people in, I have gotten hurt. But I have also gotten love and understanding and hope...and the pain is far less than the pain of being so isolated and alone. Hope that helps...it just my experience...but I wouldn't go back for the world.