I've lost way too many relationships in my life in bad ways. Its to the point that I've created a habit of doing something incredibly bad to myself every time it happens. The thought of starting a connection with someone like T while knowing that I will have to break it off is keeping me from telling the truth when I go. I'm thinking about just picking up the hospital bills myself and going against my insurance's instructions. I feel like I need to find a relationship that does not have to be severed before I can start talking about the problems. Does anyone have any ideas of a way I could do this? I don't have the heart to leave anyone, no matter how bad they treat me, assuming I make some sort of connection with them. I constantly think that someday someone will walk into my life, but as soon as I think I find that person, they end up finding out who I really am and either leave or start telling others about my problems, turning entire groups against me. Hence the trust issues. I guess you could say I am a very clingy person once I let you into my life. I'm not obnoxious, I just feel the need for constant attention and support. It probably comes from being overprotected by my parents for way too long. Don't get me wrong, I also feel the need to repay that help and support in any way possible. A better way to put it would probably be to say that once I let people in, I keep them very close and refuse to let go.

Because of this, therapy just seems wrong. I need something two sided that acts the same way. I'm not exactly one for dating because of the condition I'm in and the fear I have of judgement. Am I delusional or is the type of relationship I'm explaining actually real? I just can't go into something like this knowing it'll end. Does anyone else have this problem?