I have T tomorrow and I, once again, have made poor decisions and now I'm nervous to go in and see T. Last week I told her I was going home for a volunteer function that I do every year and that I was not going home to be with my family. We discussed finding a hotel room so I can keep safe (home is an physically and mentally abusive environment at the moment). Well, I'm not 21 and hotels in my area and the surrounding area all require you to be 21 to rent a room, so I soon found out after my session that I could not do that. The friend I usually stay with when I go home was out of town so I ended up going home and staying there thinking I would be okay for the weekend as long as I stayed out of my dad's way. I wasn't going to be there for much of the weekend anyway, really just to sleep. This was the poor decision I made. A very poor decision because I couldn't just "stay out of his way" and now I have wound up with a visible wound once again...and I'm afraid to go see T tomorrow because I feel so stupid and naive. Like I could have avoided this. I feel like I'm going to disappoint her because I did this and that she's secretly going to think I'm idiot for going home anyway, despite not knowing what kind of state my parents were in. I should never have gone, but you don't know what's going to happen until it just does happen and there's no getting away from it -- it's too late at that point. I feel like she's going to think less of me because I couldn't keep myself safe. I'm 20 years old, this shouldn't happen anymore. I'm also kind of afraid she's going to ask to see it, I don't know if I want to show it to her. Do you think that's something a T would ask to see? I have it bandaged...it's a burn on my neck so it's hard to miss. I trust her, but I feel so dumb right now...I don't know why I went home. Nothing good ever comes of going home. I was doing so well, I hadn't seen my parents since Thanksgiving cause of the last spat we got into and I really thought things would be okay. I don't know why I thought that.

Okay, so I know this doesn't have much to do with T, but I just needed to put it out there and get some of my anxiety about it out. Pocket riders or good thoughts would be appreciated... my session is tomorrow at 1 pm.