Hi ~ I'm really glad you are going for counseling because you both need it. From the sounds of things, you two don't know how to communicate -- that's a big problem and it sounds like it's been a big problem for years!

I don't know if you can get the counselor aside to ask about the emotional affair, and give him a heads up before the session, but he should be able to guide you thru confronting her about the affair. She's got to realize that it WAS an emotional type affair, and not just a "harmless" friendship. If that's all it was, why was she hiding it, and then deleting it?

Granted, you shouldn't have gone thru her phone, but to be truthful I would have done the same thing if I had suspected my mate of doing something wrong. So i can't really say anything bad about that.

I wish you the very best. I sure hope your wife comes around and admits what she did was wrong. Please let us know what happen, will you? We do care. God bless and take care of yourself, okay? Hugs, Lee