I met with my t today. She was really concerned about the intensity of my sui thoughts. She wants me to go home, at least for a little while. She thinks that being in a familiar environment will help stabilize me.

I don't want to go. I don't want to explain to people why I had to go home.

I want to get better and go back to Rome as soon as possible. Unfortunately, my mother said that that may not be possible, due to the cost of airfare.

My parents are always freaking out about money, despite the fact that they make 5 times as much as the average household in the US. We're super well-off, but I still have to wear boots with holes in them. Makes me feel really well-loved and like I'm a real priority.

Anyway, I know that this is probably what is best. If I stay here, I might end up acting on the thoughts, which would cause a lot of hurt to a lot of people. I just wish that some of these people that supposedly would be so hurt by my suicide would show me that they loved me while I'm still alive.

Sorry for the long rant. I'm really upset about probably having to go home.