Spouse has a passion (probably an obsession) with a very specific outdoor activity. He spends approximately 10 hours of his non working days (4) and 2 hours on working days (3) on his computer. Mainly at an on-line forum for his passion. While I think its great that he has a passion....he does not share it with me. We no doubt have communication issues of which I have tried to engage him in assessing our needs 8 months ago. I have not nagged. Just have simply stated to him how I am feeling and what I like and I have asked him to take a few on-line relationship assessments. No response.

I came to the end of my rope 5 months ago when I stated "wow, it's taking you along time to craft that email." He responded that "Sally" asked him a question. Immediately all kinds of red flags came into my mind. Later that eve I asked him how long had he been privately communicating with "Sally" and what the context of their communications were? After he had me repeat the question, he reported that that was the only one. I inquired again and he said well she asked me another question one other time. He then proceeded to open his email account and told me to look. I found multiple correspondence between the two all discussing this outdoor activity. "Sally" was very descriptive in hers giving intimate details how it made her feel and questioning my spouse if he was the one responsible for the beautiful landscaping. My spouses response was platonic in nature with the exception of flirtatious smilies and of course a question to her. He did however send a picture of himself napping in the exact same spot she had so intimately described. "Sally" also asked him about going to a certain area during the winter months. The certain area is one of his favorites and that she could have garnered from the on-line public forum. It is clear from her questions that she has never participated in the winter events and it appeared she was trying to entice him to take her. My take away from the above and multiple emotional injuries has led me to not believe my spouse. He is aware of my stance.

Often times when my spouse posts on this on-line forum she immediately follows with a post. Recently my spouse posted a book review on this on-line forum and "Sally's" response was "looks like a good book to add to my library." "Are you a book in hand kinda guy or a kindle?" I had had it with this post. I responded "Does it really matter how the book was read in the context of a review?" "If you want to know peoples preferences start a new thread directed at all the forum members not just directed at the person who started the thread."

Over my lifetime, I have had 3 major events that have broken my trust in people. I am constantly questioning myself if I am overreacting because of my past experiences?

I feel she is fishing and trying to engage him in a more intimate relationship. I believe that they have had more private communications that I am not aware of.

I am struggling with trusting him now. To me he crossed the line when he sent the picture and by keeping the conversations going by always having a question back. I get anxiety whenever he is on his computer. I have only had maybe a total of 7 nights of 6 or more hours of sleep.

These past 5 months I have been going through personnel hell everyday. I had told him 4 months ago I was done unless we get counseling. Again no investment on his part. I have told him to leave....he would not. He said that it is all me because of my past issues. Regardless of my trust issues we have a communication problem. Finally, 2 weeks ago he said make an appointment and has started to show some additional investment in our relationship. Tomorrow is our first appointment.

Not sure how it will go.....but I can tell you I am hanging by a thread and not holding my breath.