Just wanted you all to know that I am doing ok. Still stable and have not hurt myself in almost 3 months. Yippee! I feel as if I am almost ready to come back and participate more but there is still a need to limit stimulation. As I have said a couple of time I am experiencing an internal shift and have needed time, space and quiet to allow it to happen. It feels so strange. In the past I would get into this space and need it too stop. It feels so...I don't know devoid of feeling but so full of feeling...it feels like waiting for something to happen but not knowing what it is that I am waiting for. It normally would drive me out of my mind but I decided that this time I would just let it happen, not fight it, not push it, not even try to understand it. I have avoided talking about it it because that means trying to put it into words and that means trying to make sense which raises the anxiety. Instead I am just flowing with it. I have spent my time working in the yard and taking care of my house. When I am alone I spend my time in the quiet. During the day I leave the lights off and just use natural lighting. I have spent my time in contemplation, letting thoughts come as they will, turning them over once and then letting them go.

Anyway, I just wanted you all to know that I am doing fine and am thinking of you. It will probably be a little while longer before I am ready to come back and participate here fully.
In light and love,
Carrie

<font color=green>But the implicit and usually unconscious bargain we make with ourselves is that, yes, we want to be healed, we want to be made whole, we're willing to go some distance, but we're not willing to question the fundamental assumptions upon which our way of life has been built, both personally and societally.--Bill Plotkin, Soulcraft