Hey Chopin,

I don't have any good answers to your questions, but they are among the most interesting to ponder. I do not relate to the desire for maternal touch, but I know that I do feel cut off from myself when my sexuality is disconnected from me. This isn't necessarily about having sex with a partner, but more that part of me is my pure and unbridled lust, and I don't know who I really am when my lust gets lost. For me, I have to feel connected to my lust to feel whole and complete.

Now, I don't think that enjoying sex with women more than men means you are a lesbian. I mean, it might, but not necessarily. I like having sex with my H more than my previous female partners, but that sure as all get up doesn't make me heterosexual. If something happened with my marriage, I don't know if I would want another partner at all, but I'm inclined to think I would be more likely to look for a woman rather than a man. But I think for me, my romantic interests have always been in the person rather than the gender per se. I'm not sure that who you want to have sex with means something particular about your overall sexuality or who you are. Maybe it just means you dig that person. Or you don't dig that person.

I do wonder, though, if some of the key is in who you don't want to grind it up with-- your H. Five years is a really long time and I understand that he's a really great and supportive guy and he's okay with the state of things, but are you? Rhetorical question, of course. There's nothing wrong with an absence of sexuality in a marriage if that works for both partners, and I suspect that this happens in more marriages than we know (my FIL had one of these, before he divorced his 3rd wife). But I am wondering if this is the only way you can be married to this man is to avoid your lust, and if that is something that you really want to be in for a long haul. But if it's a way of coping with being with someone who you don't really dig, then maybe it's time to consider your options. You can rediscover your lust with your H, or rediscover your lust by yourself and let it lead you in another direction. But maybe issues surfacing around touch and sexuality are really more about you and the kind of life/partnership/marriage that you want for yourself, and maybe it's not what you currently have.