I am a firm believer that orientation is as controllable as gender, or race. I don't think upbringing or choice have anything to do with it at all. I know that many women (and men) struggle to make excuses, because society still considers "straight" to be the acceptable way. It's easy for me to accept my sexuality because it's the norm. My heart goes out to people who struggle with it. I hate almost every part of myself, if I had to struggle with orientation too I'd me in deep shite.

My mother was not affectionate. My father's affection was painful to say the least. I am a cuddler with my family. H. My son (to a limit). My daughters. My grands. I can hug female friends, but not lengthy hugs. I can hug male friends a bit easier, probably since I've had such an affectionate H for so many years. I do not crave attention from either, since I have all the attention I need. I freak when my mother reaches out or touches me though...it feels like a take over, like an invasion, like she's trying to steal a piece of me.

I worry for your H. It is a lot to ask a person to go without intimacy in a relationship. Every creature needs intimacy deep down. I don't care how much your H has shelled himself off from the world with his weight, he still deserves intimacy and sex. Sorry, but I don't buy into the "I'm being obese for you" deal. To ruin your health and deteriorate your life for another person is a messed up thing, not a romantic thing. I don't think you can say your marriage isn't in trouble, because it's not really a marriage but a friendship. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but the current situation isn't fair to either of you.

I hope that you work thru this quickly, I want you to live life to the fullest. You deserve to be happy.