I agree with this. There's a phenomenon that has a funny acronym on a knitting board that I sometimes read, called DTMFA, which refers to the typical response when someone posts about a relationship problem with a spouse or partner. It's a typical parallel to what happens here when people write "my T said this" or "my T did this" except that people are writing about what their partner did or said. Then there is one post after another that advises to "dump the mother __ already", where people talk about how they would just walk away and find another partner, that the person deserves to have someone more supportive, that they would never put up with someone who said or did that. That it is unacceptable for the partner to say or do whatever it is that they have said or done, and most of it is not what everyone would agree is purely objectionable behavior-- it's not abuse, or infidelity-- although I think most everyone agrees that whatever is being complained about is not desirable behavior. People dissect the words or parcel up the actions into tiny bits, make all kinds of assumptions and state unsupported beliefs about what is going on with the person who is the subject of the original poster's distress.

For me, relationships are hard-- I'd even go so far as to say that they are dangerous. There are many days when I feel like I would like to just take my dog and walk away from my family and everyone else, and just take up residence on a deserted island. But my marriage and child and friends and coworkers and client relationships are also my greatest source of joy, and I believe in commitment, so I work on trying to make those relationships the most drama free and happiest and stable things for myself and all the people in my life.

So my focus in T is on myself, my own understandings about how and why I respond to people the way that I do, including T. I have largely given up trying to make people conform to relating to me in the way that I think is best, and I've also given up trying to please other people for the sake of pleasing them. I look at myself and my own reactions and how I can change them rather because I'm the only thing that I can control, and it has just become very unsatisfying to try to get other people to do what I want. Life is much smoother, and my relationships are free of drama and have a greater sense of closeness and affection.

Sometimes the drama around T relationships that's reported here may be just that, as it sure sounds like the drama that is reported around romantic relationships on this other board. It's hard stuff, and people do need to work in out in whatever way is best for them. But the fact that people on the internet have a lot of negativity directed towards their spouses and partners doesn't say anything about the stability of my marriage. My husband is no more likely to cheat or start obsessively playing video games or refuse to help around the house or do any number of dysfunctional things because it happens to other people. Just because people talk about the bad things that happen in their relationships, it doesn't mean that something like that is going to happen in mine. There is no cause and effect. I might be more aware that I am not immune to dysfunctionality in marriage because of the problems that seem commonly reported, but I have always been so. I don't need another reason to distrust anyone, as I already have a keen awareness of this.

So for me, I pay less and less attention to the negative threads because they just don't speak to my experience, and I take them in the same way as the DTMFA threads I see on the other board. At the end of the day, I will always value working things out with people, including my T, rather than complaining on an online board and looking for people to tell me to walk away. I realize that this is a good message for some people to hear, and some people need to learn to walk away. But I used to be a flippin' genius at walking away, and now I'm doing it differently.