I am finding myself in an unfamiliar place. In all my years of fighting depression I have never felt like I do now. I never stopped trying to get out or hoping things will be better one day. Now it's like something broke in me and I just stopped. I just stopped fighting and hoping. The weird thing is, it doesn't feel bad. It brough with it some contentment. It's a weight off my shoulders not to expect something good from life. To accept that it will always be bad. It sounds depressing and cynical and pessimistic, but this way life can never disappoint me. I hate life. I would never again try to end it, but just to accept that life sucks and probably always will has made me feel better. I don't care if it ends, but I will push through till then. For me it's something to survive. And maybe that's all I have to do.

I suddenly don't care as much about stuff, like what people think of me or overanalizing people's words and deeds. I do my part and how I am towards others hasn't changed, just what is inside me. Sure, its dark but also somehow peaceful.

Is this real? Can it last? Should I accept it or should I worry about how I feel? My biggest fear is that its just temporary or even worst just the silence before the storm.