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Mar 04, 2013, 10:53 AM
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Member Since: Dec 2012
Location: California
Posts: 2,248
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Quote:
Originally Posted by feralkittymom
[/COLOR][/B]Yes--it's always a balance, isn't it? The client's past history and current reaction, with the therapist's past actions and current reactions.
and the thing I learned going back every time after disclosing to her was that it didn't change what she thought about me in the way I expected.
Provided that the relationship is functional, this is the heart of healing, isn't it? Not simply the challenging of assumptions, valuable as that is, but the honest demonstration of acceptance and respect. The challenge then becomes taking it in and being willing to believe that it is true.
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It sounds like it worked out really well for you. I'm glad it did.
I was shocked when I experienced how a relationship (with my T) that I thought was more solid than anything I had, because I assumed therapists were always trustworthy and you could bring anything back, and because I had said an awful lot that I haven't told anyone and received such acceptance wouldn't and couldn't go bad, and so fast.
I suspect you read these things and acknowledge things can go bad, and also remember how good it worked out for you when you brought stuff back and were always accepted. I feel warmth in my heart at the picture in my head. I also feel envious.
I read these things and realize that sometimes the client is right and things are going wonky and despite my trust, the therapist wasn't accepting, even though she tried hard and insisted she was (even after abandoned me). I realize they don't always go wonky. I support your idea that you should try to work it out and the therapist should be accepting. It is the way therapy should be, and often is, even when it doesn't feel like it.
I understand wanting to encourage trust. It's sooo good for the therapy when you speak the unspeakable and it isn't that bad. And many times when people think their T thinks this or that, it isn't true.
I understand (viscerally as well as cognitively) that sometimes therapists really mess up and clients should pay attention to red flags (although not give up immediately).
A you said, it's a hard balance to figure out. I agree that if the relationship is functional, this is the heart of healing. And taking in the acceptance and respect can be difficult and it shouldn't be something we run away from
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