I have just had a major realisation. Am quite excited to tell my T about this.

I had to go too fast and see, for myself, that it wasn't good for me. Then T was able to say: "You're going very fast," while talking about being gentle with myself. And I was able to say: "I don't want to go this fast."

And the thing is, he could only tell me once I'd seen it for myself. If he had tried to tell me I was panicking and hurrying, I would have run it through the distortion filter that lives in my head and taken it all wrong. I would have heard: "I hate you, I don't care, I wish you'd stop telling me your problems and go away." I had to see it for myself, clearly.