It sounds like you are very depressed...have you been diagnosed by a medical professional with major clinical depression, bipolar disorder, or something else? I am sorry that you are suffering so - it sounds like you have reached a point where the outside world feels like a void and that life seems pointless, etc. That is a very, very hard place to be in and I empathize with you.

Good news. I think you can pull out of this. I've been there and I have done so with the help of medical treatment, therapy, and some support. (Most of my family is deceased but please reach out to a local support group, a friend, etc.)

I no longer consider suicide an option because my partner and my daughter love me very much - I don't want to cause them pain. Also, I know that when I am depressed it will pass at some point ... and when it does, I want to reengage in life.

Take care, please see a doctor for evaluation ...