Please PLEASE PLEASE FIND A NEW Doctor! Find a therapist! Don't listen to the asshole therapist and go find someone.

June 1 is a bad day for my family. Five years ago my cousin died of a heart attack at age 34. He was my aunt's only child. And she was devestated. I don't have to tell you that. It ripped her to pieces and she's still grieving. Grieiving isn't short or over in a minute, it takes as long as it takes. I know the first year she could barely get out of bed some days.

She couldn't do Christmas things or Thanksgiving. Sometimes when we're all together she has to go in the other room for awhile because her son isn't there.

Try to find a support group for parents who've lost their children or some kind of place where you can grieve and just be sad and be angry and pissed off that life sucks and it's so unfair sometimes.

But please don't kill yourself.

Last January my ex Sister in law committed suicide. I don't know why. I don't know what pain she was in, but she killed herself. A month later her fiance killed himself.

I wasn't close to my ex sister in law but my life is not better because she 's dead. Her families lives aren't better. Her friends lives aren't better. They grieve and grapple and try to figure out what could they have said or done to stop it.

And I've been there. I wrote a letter, I took pills I knew that even though my family would be sad they would be better off without me. But I got taken to the ER and I got to see that I was WRONG. As much pain as I was in and as hopeless as it all seemed death was not better.

Do you have anyone who can be a medical advocate for you? Someone who can help you navigate the system, be there by your side while you make phone calls or make calls on your behalf?

This world is better with you in it. Even if you don't believe it. It is.