I cannot remember ever being able to sleep good. I have always had to "work" at falling asleep. I think most of that was the hypervigilance from the abuse. But I carried that on into adulthood and have suffered from insomnia for as long as I can remember.

I normally get about 3 to 5 hours of sleep a night if I am lucky, but i seem to always be almost in the "awake" stage where I am somewhat aware of my surroundings. Now that I suffer from a chronic pain disorder, restorative sleep is something I desperately need and the doctors strive for.

The problem I am having is that when I take the meds to help me sleep,I go into that state of sleep where dreams happen and I can't take it.I cannot recall details of any dreams, but i wake up feeling as if i have been running all night. My body is in pain and is exhausted. Its unsettling . .I feel anxious and often wake up feeling fear, and confusion.

My question is how do i face these dreams? How do i recall them so maybe they will stop? I can't keep on avoiding sleep as I have done for years...my health depends on it.I don't want to avoid anything anymore, but I am truly afraid of the dreams and what they might contain. I still have alot of missing pieces to my life and memories are still flashing into my mind with a vengeance.

I haven't talked to my counselor about this.. I guess that would probably be the place to start huh? I am not very good about disclosing to her though. I am trying to get better at it. ]

Anyway.. thanks for your wisdom ahead of time Faith