Hello,

Thank you for your message, we have a lot in common as my chronic pain is also a slipped disk. I use a BuTrans patch ( 7 day morphine patch ) which is physically impossible to overdose on and works miracles with chronic pain although useless for break through pain though.

Luckily I found booze fairly simple to cut right back, I have had a box of san migel beers in my flat for over a month now and not been tempted at all to drink alone. When I had drunk it reached about 1 to 2 bottles of wine a night at its peak. However the back pain intensified when I drank, I got mega restless legs and the hangovers were real punishment due to my medications and pain relief. So that all helped to make it a no brainier. Not everyone has there own body repelling it and it is so easy to slip into the habit and is one of the most difficult things to leave behind.

You have done very well yourself and can reassure yourself you have made past the most difficult period in terms of addictions. Has the demon drink been more challenging for you?

Leaving weed has been a very different experience, for me this is the hardest thing I have ever had to leave behind.

My gums and teeth is the most recent problem I can't believe the physical responses that body has had, now my jaw is in constant ache my toothbrush feels like it has daggers not bristles. My dentist has agreed to see me on Wednesday to try and help me.

I am finding myself being unstable without my fags and weed, a lot more sensitive and getting triggered by events that typically wouldn't. I went to see my GP today, rough as hell coz I have not been sleeping, teeth hurt, head ache, weakness and dizziness. But I drove down in my car i was not that out of it but by the time I got to my GP's office I was acting very strangely. I think the group of loud active children in the waiting room triggered me. I felt so bad, she came across as quite upset that I taken an OD especially as she had taken extra time to talk to me a few weeks ago. She said she was going to increase my medications until I had done that I could have really done with some proper pain relief, I messed up there. I am going to have to give her a call tomorrow I think great another night of worrying ahead of me. I had to sit my my car for an hour before I dared drive anywhere afterwards. It was dangerous I should not have been on the road.

It is times like this that I crave a spliff to turn my brain off this over active worry. I am going to take your advise and look for a distraction that will calm me like meditation. I'm not a big fan of spirituality and religion at all but certainly can't ignore how people get so much from it. I was really sad my GP did not say well done or made any comment about me having done well in not smoking. I guess the OD and my strange behaviour out staged my success.

I would like more knowledge and control with meditation and relaxation but without all the hard work and dedication for being a follower of anything. I'm more of a highlights and sky + fast forward, rewind, pause and play sort of gal :0). Don't worry I won't turn to coke, I have partied with it before and know it will not have the effect I crave. Sounds like that has been a battle for you at one point.

Thanks for Your input, I'm still feeling very out of it so I hope my response is not too much of a ramble, I struggling to convert thoughts to words.