I don't really understand why. I went in very happy to get to see T. I just really adore him lately. Then at opening of session T told me he had a sense last session was flat and didn't accomplish much and I agreed it was. Then we sort of went down this path of opening topics in which it became clear to me that I had made very little progress and then it just suddenly popped into my mind "What am I doing here?" And I could very clearly see that I have been going to T for over 2 years and I still am alone and afraid of socializing. And then I sank into a hole and couldn't speak for a long time.

T kept asking me what I was thInkIng. What would I like talk about and I fInally told him none of the things that are so important during the week are ever important when I get there. Then he said he would pick a topic if I wanted and I agreed. But from there I just zoned out and barely heard any words he said. And I'm sure he saw this. I even told him I didn't know why I was there anymore and he tried to tell me about progress I've made. But none of it seems all that impressive to me.


Why did I go so fast from happy to major dispair? I've never done that in session so quickly.