Today has been like day 10 of being up and down, up and down. I call it my rollercoaster ride and i HATE this feeling. I have a psych doctor appointment tonight but as excited as I am to go and finally get help, I really want to cancel. All I wanna do is sleep. I am sick of work. I am sick of life. I am sick of not knowing what to do or where to go. Thought about going to the ER to get help for suicidal thoughts, but never made it there. Too afraid to lose my job if they committ me. Afraid to tell the doctor tonight that I am still suicidal cause she will for sure lock me up.

Ugh. I just want everything to END.