wow. i understand what your going throug. I guess when your emotions are so over whelming that you do not have any control at all over them they just com out no matter what. I dont really know how to deal with them in a healthy way. i try to push them back. I guess taking one step at a time. find someone you really really trust and know that it is safe to express your emotions to that person. May be if you ask your T if she can help you do that and find some healthy ways to cope with them it might help.